'The Birds,' part two

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By The Staff

SOUTH JEFFCO — A Hitchcock-esque tale unfolded recently in South Jeffco when a pair of feuding neighbors told their stories to a deputy. It seems one of the apartment dwellers had cried foul because of his neighbor’s loud music, but rather than simply squawk about it, the man allegedly persuaded local birds to drop bombs on his neighbor’s vehicle.

The feud apparently started months ago when the eagle-eyed bird whisperer noticed his neighbor’s peckish wife cutting some meat on her front porch, which he promptly reported to the apartment manager. This reportedly resulted in a threat of violence from the open-air butchers.

But the neighbor said his nemesis does more than wrangle birds, saying the man questioned his heritage and claimed to be a government agent that could have the IRS "ruin his life.” The man admitted to making the IRS-related threat, but he denied mocking his neighbor’s heritage.

The mediating deputy finally took flight after the birdman explained how he got his winged friends to identify and desecrate his neighbor’s vehicle: He learned how while perched on a chair in front of the Internet, of course.

Movable feast stopped in its tracks

SOUTH JEFFCO — A woman apparently thought she was entitled to a free dinner Aug. 11 at a South Jeffco Safeway but was treated to a bitter dessert when the store's security guard accused her of theft and called the sheriff's office. The guard said he watched the woman pick up a food item and chow down at an empty checkout stand. She then headed to the deli section, filled a small bowl with soup and ate it. Next stop: the cold drinks, where she selected a bottle of water and drank it.

The brazen grazer eventually sought out a friend who was actually paying for her own items at a checkout stand. The guard said the two headed for the parking lot with no attempt to pay for the first woman’s fast-food feast.

The woman told a deputy that she was going to pay for the items. "I tried to tell them that my purse was outside in my car, but they wouldn't let me get it," she explained. But the deputy wasn't buying either, and he issued her a summons for theft and released her.