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Croutons with your roughage?

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By The Staff

Croutons with your roughage?

SOUTHWEST JEFFCO — Maybe it was all the nice late-January weather South Jeffco experienced, but something has triggered a rash of car vandalism lately. In the latest episode, a local miscreant thought he’d add to a pickup truck’s tasteful finish by dousing it with salad dressing. But really, what are the health benefits of this? As with many of the best-tasting condiments, salad dressing should not be used in excess. And besides, no amount of dressing is going to make a four-by-four taste quite right. How about some croutons?

Hey, no cuts!

SOUTHWEST JEFFCO — Remember in elementary school when cutting in line was frowned upon, and unified shouts of, “Hey, no cuts” greeted perpetrators? Well, even if you grew up and got a little bigger, it doesn’t give you permission to bully your way to the front of the line. One resident with a sense of justice asked a cutter to please wait his turn at a local King Soopers pharmacy. But the suspect was having none of it. The man claimed “saves-ies,” stating a woman had guarded his position in line while he was away shopping. Apparently some of the other playground rules were still in place for this suspect as well. When the man who had waited his turn attempted to go around the offending party, he was shoved against the wall by the big meanie, who wasn’t about to surrender his spot. Store security arrived to break it up, and told the bully he could get his prescriptions from the drive-through. Subsequent investigation by deputies had both men pointing fingers and telling sob stories about how the other was in the wrong. Welcome to the jungle (gym).

Mischief in Morrison

SOUTHWEST JEFFCO — Don’t trust anyone wandering the county with a necklace made of side-view mirrors. A spate of Morrison mischief calls last week might have some believing there’s a criminal out there who has a problem with people who look before they turn. Apparently, someone has been smashing the mirrors and scratching the sides of vehicles parked along streets. About 10 such incidents were reported, with none of the victims seeing a suspect the night before. One victim, however, did offer to share any suspect footage from his home surveillance camera with the sheriff’s office, which has promised a forward-looking investigation.