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My friend has this problem ...

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By The Staff

SOUTH JEFFCO — Not smart: Using a friend’s ID, then telling a deputy that you did not tell him your real name because you didn’t want to be accused of impersonating that friend. However ludicrous, that’s the excuse one woman used last week when arrested on an outstanding warrant. She was a passenger in a car that had been pulled over, and when asked to present an ID, she handed over a state ID card that belonged to a friend. Unfortunately for her, that friend had a warrant for her arrest, so the woman was taken to the Jefferson County Jail. As the deputy was processing the woman’s paperwork, he asked the impostor for her Social Security number. The woman said she didn’t know, and the deputy became suspicious. He found a birth certificate in the woman’s purse that the woman said belonged to a friend and she was holding onto so she could tape it back together for her. After some questioning, the woman admitted that the birth certificate was hers, and the ID she originally handed over was her friend’s. The birth certificate revealed that she, too, had a warrant for her arrest out of Arapahoe County. The woman was booked into the jail and also issued a summons for false reporting to authorities.

Why would I pay?

SOUTH JEFFCO — Paying for groceries seems to be becoming pass in South Jeffco, as week after week someone enters a store, grabs what they want, and walks out without batting an eye. It happened again last week as a man walked into a local Safeway, gathered his groceries and tried to leave. The security guards thought he was acting suspicious, as he was walking back and forth in the same aisle before grabbing an item and moving on. After he walked out of the store, one of the guards confronted him and asked for a receipt. The man checked his pockets, and said it might be in his wallet in the car. He opened the car door, climbed inside and drove off, leaving behind the groceries he had so diligently collected. The guard was able to give the responding deputy the vehicle’s description, but the license plate he recorded did not exist in the state’s computer system. The case is listed as open and pending, but the store recovered its goods and the man had to go somewhere else to get his “Short Sexy Hair Gel,” two boneless beef rib-eye steaks, and a 12-pack of Budweiser Beer. No word on whether he paid for them.

The Picasso of pavement

SOUTH JEFFCO — In the wild, wild world of sidewalk chalk, everyone knows a good driveway is where it’s at. Driveways across the world are constantly evaluated for pitch, grade, consistency and size to see where the largest and most colorful drawings can be created. One lucky South Jeffco woman apparently had her driveway selected. She left the house about 5:45 p.m. to take her son to an oboe lesson and returned about 10 minutes later. As she pulled up, she noticed a woman standing about halfway up the driveway with something blue in her hand. The surprised and perplexed homeowner asked the woman what she was doing, and the woman said, “Just using your driveway.” The woman then walked across the lawn, got in her car and drove down a couple houses. The car stayed there for a moment before driving away. The homeowner gave the deputy the license plate number on the woman’s car.