WEST KEN CARYL AVENUE — Meeting deputies in a grocery store parking lot, Maddy Motorist said she’d been bedeviled on the boulevard and wanted the blighter busted. According to Maddy’s complaint, she’d been tooling eastbound near C-470 when Redd Yoot fell in behind her and started leaning on his horn. Apparently not content with an audible assault, Redd next tried to “run me off the road,” then roared around in front of her in a most menacing manner. Maddy escaped into the aforementioned grocery store parking lot, but Redd anticipated the maneuver and quickly pulled up in the parking spot next to hers. Leaping from his car, Redd stormed up to Maddy’s window cursing a blue streak. He accused Maddy of “texting while driving.” He took photographs of Maddy’s license plate. He said he was going to call the cops. When Redd got back in his car, Maddy sprang into action. She walked toward him. She took a picture of his vehicle. She said she was going to call the cops. Redd was long gone by the time officers arrived, and Maddy’s hasty snapshot was sufficient only as photographic evidence that Redd Yoot’s car was red. Probably. Red-like, anyway. Definitely not blue. The case is stalled pending a more precise palette appraisal.
A likely story
WEST CROSS PLACE — Boyfriend stood in the driveway. He dursn’t go inside, he told deputies, because Girlfriend was on the warpath. What’s got her back up? officers wanted to know. She found some “pretty dirty” e-mails between him and another girl, Boyfriend said, but it’s all just a big misunderstanding. A buddy used his account to send those damning dispatches. Deputies relayed that line to Girlfriend, who wasn’t buying it. Officers stood by while Boyfriend collected some belongings and took his act on the road.
BLACK BEAR LANE — Hearing a slushy smack against the front door, Baffled Homeowner opened it to find the gooey remains of a single raw egg sliding slowly toward the welcome mat. Baffled was first annoyed, and then confused. Sprouting upright and tines-down out of her front lawn were about 20 white plastic forks. There was no damage, she told deputies, but the incident was curious enough that she thought JCSO might find it interesting. The officers were certainly interested, but had little expectation of finding the forker.