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Sheriff's Calls

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An Offbeat Look at Area Crime

 

Hay!

WEST QUINCY AVENUE — When he arrived at his pasture bright and early on April 20 to find the gate busted and about 30 bales of golden silage swiped, he called the law. A deputy arrived to find white paint transfer on the broken gate, thoroughly splintered posts on either side of it, and lots of tire and foot tracks that the complainant assured him had no business being there. While the victim could name no suspects, he did recall getting an e-mail from a neighbor warning of recent hay thefts in southeastern Jeffco. A department crime scene technician photographed the tracks, the gate and the half-mown stack of hay, and the deputy asked for a copy of the forewarning e-mail. Like the gate, the case remains open.

 

Why he can’t own nice things

CLEMENT PARK — It was totally bogus, Thrasher fussed to deputies. On the afternoon of April 21, he joined the joined the crowds of competitors and spectators assembled for a big-time skating contest. As Thrasher was competing in the event, he prudently surrendered his customized iPhone to a buddy for safekeeping. A good friend and no fool, his buddy carefully placed the device on a dry, level bench seat where it would have little chance of falling off or being stepped on. Inexplicably, when Thrasher and his friend came back to retrieve the phone more than an hour later, it was gone. As if that weren’t bogus enough, the person then in possession of his iPhone had activated its personalized “reject with text message” feature, meaning that every time he tried to contact the stolen phone he got brushed off with his own personalized “get lost” message. Since Thrasher neglected to register with Apple’s “Find My iPhone” service, GPS tracking was pretty much a non-starter. Thrasher asked officers to be on the lookout for a black iPhone 4S with “thrasher,” “diamond” and “belly-button” stickers on the case. Deputies promised to call … er … contact him if they found it.

 

Psychedelic safari

WEST QUINCY AVENUE — Arriving home on April 16 following a two-week vacation, Concerned Mother found her son, Stanley, sitting in the basement “acting weird.” Stanley announced that his no-account friend, Livingston, was coming over and the two of them were “going to drive to Africa.” Concerned asked Stanley if he was under the influence of anything untoward. “I’m not on drugs, Mom,” Stanley had assured her. “I am the drugs.” When Livingston showed up at the front door as promised, Stanley came upstairs to meet him laden with a well-stuffed backpack and a large bag of clothes. Mom blocked Stanley’s path and told Livingston to leave without him. So determined was Stanley to set off for the Dark Continent with his no-account friend that he marched directly around Concerned and straight through the closed screen door, breaking the frame and leaving the wire mesh a twisted ruin on the ground. The two adventurers then climbed into Livingston’s rugged and, presumably, buoyant white Geo Metro and departed for, presumably, Africa. Thinking it likely the boys were too high to be driving to Africa or anywhere else, Concerned notified JCSO. She also told deputies of her concern that the chemically impressionable young fellows were “getting involved in some kind of strange religion through the Internet.” Deputies called Livingston’s house but didn’t get an answer. They assured Concerned they’d keep an eye out for the Metro and let her know if the two adventurers turn up.