Sheriff's Calls

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An Offbeat Look at Area Crime


Doesn’t play well with others

WEST MARLOWE AVENUE — Kayleigh’s Mom and Payton’s Mom called JCSO on May 9 to report being harassed by Mackenzie’s Mom. According to Kayleigh’s Mom and Payton’s Mom, they’d dropped off their children at the preschool, just like they always do, except that on that morning Mackenzie’s Mom walked “aggressively” out of nowhere and, in passing by, “shoulder-checked” them both. The shoulder-checked mothers referred deputies to a school employee who’d witnessed the shoulder-checking, and also to the school’s director, who hadn’t actually witnessed the shoulder-checking, but told officers she was well aware that bad blood existed between the accused and her accusers. The director further stated that the three frequently hurl curses among them across the playground, and that she’s gone out of her way to minimize possible on-site contact that Mackenzie’s Mom might have with Kayleigh’s Mom and Payton’s Mom. Deputies next spoke with Mackenzie’s Mom, who said she didn’t know what they were talking about and that she never touched either Kayleigh’s Mom or Payton’s Mom. When officers pointed out that an independent witness said otherwise, Mackenzie’s Mom remembered that it was actually Kayleigh’s Mom and Payton’s Mom who had shoulder-checked her, only she was just too nice to call the cops about it. Officers explained that, based on her inconsistent story and the weight of evidence against her, they were going to cite her for harassment. Mackenzie’s Mom objected, saying the officers were twisting her words, mis-speaking and deliberately ignoring her countercharges of harassment at the hands of Kayleigh’s Mom and Payton’s Mom, then dialed 911 in the deputies’ presence and lodged those same complaints with the 911 dispatcher. When the undoubtedly confused dispatcher told Mackenzie’s Mom he couldn’t help her, she unquietly accepted her summons for misdemeanor shoulder-checking, along with the deputies’ names and the names of their supervisors.


Curse those meddling adjustors!

WEST PRENTICE PLACE — Having completed some adjustments to his in-ground sprinkler system, on the evening of May 11 Hank Handy went down to his basement and turned on the water. Emerging back into the yard a few minutes later, he saw a strange man walk onto his lawn, turn off one of his sprinkler heads, and then disappear inside his next-door neighbor’s house. Because his next-door neighbor, Debbie DeBard, is legally prohibited from crossing onto his property, Handy concluded that she’d enlisted a henchman to do her dirty work and immediately notified JCSO that Debbie was in violation of his restraining order. For her part, Debbie told deputies the alleged henchman was actually just a thoughtful friend, and that he’d turned off Handy’s sprinkler head entirely without her knowledge or encouragement. For his part, Thoughtful Friend told officers he’d innocently shown up for a dinner date with Debbie to find the sprinkler head in question spraying water all over the side of her house because Handy had neglected to replace the valve atop the fixture. Thoughtful Friend further stated that he’s an insurance adjustor by trade and merely turned off the sprinkler head to prevent water damage to Debbie’s siding. Debbie suspected that Handy doused her house on purpose in hopes of luring her into his yard and having her busted for violating the restraining order. While deputies couldn’t say if Handy was setting a Debbie-trap or not, they were satisfied that it hadn’t worked and washed their hands of Handy’s complaint.


Like ‘Christine’ with Swedish subtitles

WHITE OAK DRIVE — While accompanying her dog on its evening constitutional about 10:30 p.m. on May 12, the woman noticed an unfamiliar silver Volvo drive by in the opposite direction. She then noticed it pull a U-turn and stop in the road behind her. When another vehicle approached a few moments later, the Volvo kicked into gear and drove past her into the night, only to reappear a few minutes later, again approaching her from behind. The Volvo proceeded a short distance ahead before pulling another 180 and stopping about 5 feet directly in front of her. The vexing Volvo quietly idled in her path, nobody rolling down the window to ask for directions or help locating an address. Thoroughly spooked, the woman picked up her dog and ran all the way home, calling 911 the moment she got through the front door. Deputies cruised the area but failed to pick up the Volvo’s scent. The woman could offer no clue as to the car’s occupants or purpose, but asked that the incident be documented.