Sheriff's Calls

-A A +A

An Offbeat Look at Area Crime


A case with layers

WEST BOWLES PLACE — On the evening of May 30, the anxious homeowner summoned deputies after noticing suspicious marks around the deadbolt lock on her front door. Officers arrived quickly, and Anxious anxiously pointed out telltale chips in the door jamb next to the lock’s striker plate, several hairline cracks along the door’s edge near the deadbolt, and a suspicious series of “bumps” on the outside face of the door adjacent to the lock. She had not seen those marks before, she explained, and feared somebody had tried to burgle the place in her absence. Upon close examination, deputies were able to discern at least two coats of paint covering the aforementioned chips and bumps, completely dry wood putty filling the aforementioned cracks, and absolutely no sign of damage to either paint or putty. Officers concluded that the damage, such as it was, had occurred sometime during the Carter administration, and that Anxious could relax.


Trouble at her fingertips

WEST KEN CARYL AVENUE — According to her statement, Ms. Lexus arrived to work at the strip mall about 8 a.m. May 31, prudently and routinely securing the vehicle via its electronic key fob. Punching out at 5:30 that evening, she walked outside to discover both the car’s trunk and hood “popped, but not open” and the battery cold and unresponsive. After tele-consulting with her daughter, Lexus called JCSO to report possible attempted grand theft auto, or grand tampering auto at the very least. Although nothing appeared to be disturbed in, or missing from, the trunk, she told officers she’d “never opened the hood before” and couldn’t authoritatively attest to that region’s integrity. Following a thorough examination of the car, the driver, and the fob, deputies concluded that Lexus had inadvertently popped the hatches while locking the doors that morning, giving the trunk light all day to suck the life out of the battery. They helped Lexus jump her car, and then bid her bon soir.