SHERIFF'S CALLS

Could they be meteorites?

SOUTH JEFFCO — Welcome to a strange new world, where up is down, left is right, and pranks meant to damage merely confuse. In today’s episode, we join a South Jeffco man who called deputies to his home to report that he had found several rocks on his back deck that afternoon, which was the first time he had seen them there since a week prior. There was no visible damage to the house, the deck or any items on the deck, just the curious rocks. The man was not aware of anyone who would have a reason to throw rocks at his house, even the neighbor whose dog he had complained about in the recent past. That neighbor’s yard, however, is too far from the man’s house to be a launch pad for the rocks. The man also showed the deputy a pile of 10 to 15 rocks that represented the sum total of all the rocks he had discovered on his deck that weren’t supposed to be there. The rocks do bear a striking resemblance to rocks in the landscaping on the west side of the man’s home, and he told the deputy he would contact the neighbor on that side at a later date. Until then, the deputy found nothing criminal and was forced to leave the strange scene and ponder if local punks had truly forgotten how to pull pranks.

Red lights, red flags

SOUTH JEFFCO — Did a South Jeffco man run a red light on West Bowles Avenue because he had been smoking marijuana earlier in the day? He sure did, but he told the deputy that pulled him over that the marijuana and smoking device he had in his car were legal because he was also in possession of a medical marijuana card, due to a chronic sleep disorder and daily migraine headaches. The deputy looked at the medical marijuana card the man presented, but, never having seen one, he didn’t know if it was legit. After a call to one of the sheriff’s intel guys, the deputy came to believe that the card was not legit, so he confiscated the pot and the pipe. The man who lost his “medicine,” as it were, said he understood and did not mind the deputy seizing the pot and pipe, and said he would get the items back after he went to court. The man was charged with possession, but the red light that he blatantly ran, leading to all of this, was never mentioned again.

Stop in the name of expletives

SOUTH JEFFCO — Yelling expletives at people you perceive to be running a stop sign in your housing complex may lead to a visit by a deputy, as in the case of one South Jeffco man last week. A man called and reported that the back of his truck had been “hit with broken eggs” before he left for a drive with his girlfriend. As he was pulling out of the complex, a man was standing near the entrance, and he yelled rather pointed obscenities at the man driving, accompanied by an all-too-famous hand gesture. The man driving his egged truck put two and two together, and feared that the angry pedestrian would do something to his home, so he turned around and went back to his house. The motorist stayed at his house for about 10 minutes, then prepared to leave again. Once more, the angry pedestrian was standing near the entrance to the housing complex yelling obscenities at the man driving, and enough was enough. That’s when deputies were called. A deputy spoke to the angry man, who said he was simply “yelling at the cars that run the stop sign in the complex.” The deputy told the town crier that the man in his car did not want to press charges; he just wanted him to stay away from him and his girlfriend. The vocal pedestrian said he understood and said he would leave him alone.