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By The Staff

You started it

SOUTH JEFFCO — Start a fight. Participate in the fight. Head straight from the fight to the Southwest Plaza security office. Find out you were the one in the wrong. That sequence played out for one man last week, and a deputy told the pugilist he would not be permitted to press charges because he had started the altercation. The deputy watched a surveillance video that showed the man walking up to a group of men and exchanging words with them. This eventually led to an exchange of punches. The deputy then informed the street fighter that if he wanted to pursue a legal course, he would be charged with disorderly conduct for fighting in a public place, and since nobody knew the current whereabouts of his ring opponents, he would be the only one charged. Predictably, the man decided not to pursue any charges.

You lost?

SOUTH JEFFCO — Apartment complex dwellers know that it’s easy to sometimes put your key in the wrong door — perhaps the door exactly one floor above or below your own. But that excuse didn’t fly last week after a man loitered outside a woman’s door. The woman was sitting at her kitchen table and heard a noise, as if something had hit her screen door. She didn’t get up to check until she heard the noise a second time. When she looked through the peephole, she saw a man standing there. The loiterer was described as about 6 feet tall, 190 to 200 pounds, with curly blond hair and about 40 years old. The woman called her son, who told her to call the sheriff’s office, which she promptly did. The deputy who responded did not see the man in the area and told the woman to call if she sees him again.

‘I don’t know why I did it’

SOUTH JEFFCO — A South Jeffco woman who apparently suffers cuts on a disturbingly regular basis visited a Littleton King Soopers last week, but her attempt to stop the bleeding led to wounds of another kind. A security guard was manning a surveillance monitor when she noticed the woman open a box of Band-Aids, take out a handful of the adhesive strips, put them in her left jacket pocket and return the open box to the shelf. Apparently unsatisfied, the woman returned to the box a minute later and put more strips in her pocket (the woman was found with 24 Band-Aid strips in total). The woman then walked to a cash register, paid for her other items, and walked out the door. Security guards confronted the woman and escorted her to the security office. The first thing she told the sheriff’s deputy who responded was, “I’ve never stolen anything before. I have no idea why I did this.” The woman readily admitted to taking the Band-Aids but kept repeating she did not know why she did it. She was issued a summons for theft and released. No word on whether the brush with authorities was the unkindest cut of all.