Sheriff's Calls

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An Offbeat Look at Area Crime


Toxic spill contained

WEST IDA AVENUE — About 8:30 a.m. Dec. 27, the sharp-eyed resident noticed a stranger stop his car in front of her house and start picking numerous items up off the street. Keen to know what treasures were so readily available for the taking on her block, she sidled outside and confronted the man, who showed her a large stack of mail addressed to a home a few doors down. Saying he was late for work, the stranger unceremoniously pushed the mishandled mail into her hands and drove away. She summoned a JCSO deputy, who determined that most of the correspondence was of the hated “bulk” variety, and that while a couple of pieces appeared to have been opened, nothing appeared to be missing from them. As the mail’s intended recipient couldn’t be easily contacted of a Thursday morning, the officer left a business card and delivered his dispatches to the JCSO evidence vault until called for. The case remains administratively open while authorities try to learn how all those Realty mailers and credit card come-ons wound up in traffic.

Scores to settle

SOUTH QUEEN WAY — Late on Christmas Eve, Suzy Suzuki parked her black 2008 XL-7 in the driveway next to her green 2000 Vitara. Three days later she discovered that holiday hooligans had left what amounted to a double-helping of coal in her stocking, leaving 4-inch scratches on the XL-7’s driver door and the Vitara’s passenger-side front door. As it happened, Suzy thought she knew who lay behind the unseasonal sabotage. “I can’t prove it, but I think (Joe) or his son (Li’l Joe) did it.” Turns out The Joes are Suzy’s least-favorite neighbors, and have driven her to hard stares and strong language on more than one occasion. “I just want it documented,” said Suzy. The officers did document the dings, then tried to raise one of the Joes at home, but to no avail. Until new information comes to light, the Case of the Scratched Suzukis is running on fumes.


Breakfast served 24 hours

MOUNTAIN PINE DRIVE — Driving home from the equestrian center after 10 p.m. on Dec. 27, the girl was westbound on West Ken Caryl Avenue when a blinding white missile streaked out of the night and struck the grille of her dad’s F-150, sending a cholesterol-laden blast wave rocketing over the hood and coating the windshield with viscous layers of white terror and gooey yellow shrapnel. Fortunately, the vehicle’s windshield wipers were sufficient to restore limited navigational control, and when she got home her dad reported the attack to JCSO. Deputies detected jagged fragments of the projectile’s thin shell casing still clinging to the stricken truck, and noted where the initial high-velocity impact knocked a small piece out of the grille. During a thorough debriefing, the girl identified her attackers’ weapons-platform as either a white Jeep Cherokee or Nissan Pathfinder. Deputies compiled a detailed after-action report and advised dad and girl to let them know if a stem-to-stern cleaning reveals any additional damage.


Do the math

WOODRUFF DRIVE — It’s like this, the intermediate-school facilities manager told deputies on the morning of Dec. 26: He’d gone to all the trouble to erect an orange plastic temporary fence around a particularly hard-used and at-risk expanse of lawn, and sometime during the first week of Christmas break scofflaws unknown had cut a giant hole in it. So great was the damage, the manager said, that the fence could only be replaced, not repaired. On the hunt for suspects, officers tallied the following suggestive features of the case: One — an entire section of the temporary fence had been cleanly, efficiently and with deliberation cut away with a sharp and sturdy instrument. Two — numerous sled, ski and toboggan tracks passed directly through the wide breach thereby produced. Three — the endangered turf aforementioned rests on a broad slope rising up to the Penstemon neighborhood west of the school. Given the choice of potentially ticketing an entire residential block, or chalking it up as a Christmas mystery, the deputies arrived at the following calculation: “There are no suspects at this time.”