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Sheriff's Calls

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Worrisome walkabout
WEST JEWELL AVENUE
— Awakened by her barking dogs at shortly after midnight on Jan. 22, she performed a quick security tour but found nothing amiss, inside or out. With the dawn, however, freshly fallen snow revealed that something might well have been very much amiss. Clear footprints marched up from the street, across her front yard, and stopped for what appeared to be a considerable time directly beneath her bedroom window. The tracks continued around the house to gated fence, through the gate into the backyard, and across her patio to the sliding glass door where they again appeared to linger. The skulker’s footsteps ultimately led around the other side of the house, back across the front yard, and disappeared onto the well-trodden sidewalk. By the time deputies arrived a stout southerly breeze had largely obliterated all trace of the menacing midnight mosey, but the officers were able to determine that no entry had been gained and the homeowner confirmed that nothing in the yard had been damaged or taken. With little to go on, deputies made official note of the incident and advised the complainant to keep them apprised of any future furtive forays.

Caught Redbook-handed
WEST TEMPLE DRIVE
— Duke’s dogs were barking again. It was 6 o’clock on the evening of Jan. 27, but that wasn’t why they were barking. Duke’s neighbors will tell you that his dogs don’t bark on a set schedule. On this particular occasion, though, Duke heard his next-door neighbor, Earl, barking right along with his dogs. Perceiving that Earl had “a certain look to him,” Duke took the extraordinary step of bringing his dogs into the house. About an hour later, Duke discovered his mailbox removed from its post and sitting in the front yard, his garden hose draped across the bed of his pickup truck, and a ladies magazine crumpled up on his lawn. Fearing lest Earl was launching a campaign of terror against himself and his clamorous canines, Duke called deputies, who called on Earl, who denied any knowledge of the strange dislocations. Just curious, officers asked Earl why the ladies magazine in Duke’s yard had Mrs. Earl’s name on it. Staying the course, Earl dismissed that observation as irrelevant. Since nothing was actually damaged, Duke declined to press charges. Deputies departed, but they hadn’t gone far when Duke called to say that Earl had called. “He wanted to know why I called the cops.” Duke didn’t want the cops to do anything about Earl’s call, he just thought they might want to know about it. The case, for the time being, remains closed, and the neighborhood remains quiet.
 
Lack of restraint
WEST CHATFIELD AVENUE
— Violet told deputies that Victor was in violation of the restraining order she had against him. He’d called her something like “99 times” during the last six months, each time professing his profound love for her before hanging up. Even worse, said Violet, she’s a “model” and recently posed for some rather steamy lingerie photographs, and somehow Victor got a hold of one and posted it on his Facebook page. Violet wanted deputies to make Victor stop calling her, and to make him remove her silk-draped derriere from Facebook. Consulting Violet’s restraining order, deputies noted that the document permits “all contact,” which is legal shorthand for “he can call you 99 times a day if he wants to, post your cheesy boudoir pictures all over the Internet from now until the crack of doom, and there’s not a whole lot you can do about it.” Officers suggested that Violet have the restraining order modified to permit somewhat “less contact.”