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Sheriff's Calls

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A curse on both their houses
DEER CREEK CANYON
— Still reeling from a vicious verbal skirmish with his neighbor, the property owner asked a JCSO deputy to impose a cease-fire. The way he told it, he’d been peacefully marking the dimensions of his future house on a woody plot he owns when he noticed an adjacent property owner surveying his progress. Genially waving the curious fellow over, he was dismayed when the new arrival accused him of situating the proposed structure too close to the property line simply to gain a better Pike’s Peak view, punctuating that angry judgment with a nose-to-nose recitation of the property owner’s many perceived personal failings. Although the encounter ended short of combat, the complainant wanted his critic banished from his land and asked the deputy to make it official. Under questioning, the quarrelsome neighbor reaffirmed his objection for the record, saying the selected location would require blasting in unacceptable proximity to his own house. He also admitted comparing his boundary-buddy to a seldom-seen orifice, but insisted the verbal ca-ca flowed in both directions. As to staying off the fellow’s property, he said there’d be plenty of time for visitin’ in a court of law. Back at the homestead, the complainant allowed that he, too, might have spoken in haste, but swore the other guy was way meaner. Having heard enough, the officer cleared the scene.

Telephone Follies
WEST COAL MINE AVENUE
— When the phone call ended badly, he called for backup. The man, who designs driveways and septic systems for a living, said he’d sub-contracted a paving job to another outfit that seemed to be dragging its feet. When he called the sub-contractor to rattle his cage, the man assured him the task was complete and asked for immediate payment. Unconvinced, the complainant had an associate e-mail him photos of the driveway, which didn’t look complete at all. Faced with graphic evidence against him, the procrastinating paver promised to buckle down and git ‘er done, only to call back a few days later in a rage over his late paycheck and vowing to “come down there and hunt you down.” When questioned by a deputy, the sub fell back on the time-tested “I’m a lover, not a fighter” defense, swearing that his comments had been misconstrued. At the officer’s suggestion, he pledged to retain an impartial third party to resolve the dispute.

Mixed emotions
SOUTH KIPLING PARKWAY
— The woman awaiting sheriff’s deputies in the hardware store parking lot was seeing red about paint. It seems that a can of interior paint she’d purchased there didn’t quite match a batch she’d bought elsewhere. Rather than giving her the refund she requested, she said the store owner “swept the paint off the counter with great force.” Convinced that the owner had intended to do her injury, she fled the store and dialed 911. In his defense, the owner said that when he tried to discuss the matter with his aggrieved customer she’d become “quite agitated,” loudly demanding that he assume the cost of having her dining room professionally repainted. Seeing no satisfactory solution forthcoming, he’d asked the woman to leave and, as he pushed the controversial can toward her, it caught the edge of the counter’s plastic spill cover, tipped over and rolled onto the floor. “You threw that at me!” he remembered her screaming. “I’m calling 911!” As the owner’s testimony blended smoothly with that of another store employee, and as the can of contention suffered no serious harm, the deputy declined to pursue the case and cautioned the woman that returning to the store could land her in stir.