Sheriff's Calls

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Repeat offender

WEST BOWLES AVENUE — The still-smoldering electronics salesman called the JCSO help desk after getting burned by a hot prospect. The day before, he moaned, a strapping young fellow wearing a muscle shirt and a couple of gigs of tattoo-graphics on his bare arms and shoulders came in to size up TVs and, after maybe 45 minutes of judicious FAQs, chose one. When the salesman returned from the stock room with his merchandise, however, his hard-won sale had vanished from the showroom, as had an HP Pavilion laptop computer. Intriguingly, an illustrated gentleman exactly matching the shifty shopper’s description had performed an identical shop-and-shimmy at the chain’s Golden outlet just days before, but somehow the corporate APB never made it down the beltway. As to recovering its pilfered property, it seems the venerable technology shop doesn’t employ video security technology, and nobody ever thought to note the missing device’s serial number. Pending further data, the Case of the Purloined Pavilion remains in sleep mode.

A simple misunderstanding

SOUTH JEFFCO — Weary of shooing adventuresome tourists away from a tempting rock feature on his property, he posted several bold signs along the boulevard plainly reading “Private Property. No Trespassing, No Hiking, No Rock Climbing.” For any interlopers driving in with their eyes closed, he posted a couple more along the granite pile’s weedy approaches, and hung a few more at area sporting goods stores for good measure. And when he subsequently found a couple of presumably illiterate rock-hounds clambering where they oughtn’t, he called the cops. On arrival, the deputy observed a Boulder-registered blue station wagon parked directly across the street from one of the aforementioned signs, plus fresh footprints leading from the vehicle and passing within three feet of it. Pressing on, the officer discerned a man and woman hard at play on the complainant’s off-limits stone jungle gym and coaxed them back to earth. Sure, he’d seen the buzz-off signs, the man shrugged, but thought that the rock was “public domain” because he’d seen it “mentioned in a rock-climbing guide book.” And besides, his lady friend “has been climbing here for the last 10 years.” While those are both solid arguments, they weren’t good enough to avoid a pair of third-degree criminal trespassing citations. Stung by the perceived injustice, the pair suggested that “maybe the owner needs to post signs that are a little more clear and easy to understand.”

Freeway face-off

WEST QUINCY AVENUE — According to the offended teenaged driver, he and his young companions had been peaceably returning to Denver from Wellington Lake when a man driving a red Honda started “riding their (caboose)” and then called them a mean name as he roared past. Aghast, the teen had peaceably sped up behind the Honda and peaceably flashed his high-beams, at which Mr. Honda screeched to a halt in the middle of the traffic lane, forcing the teen trio to a dead stop. “Get out of your car!” commanded Mr. Honda, leaping from his vehicle and presenting himself at the callow youth’s driver-side window. “OK,” agreed Callow Youth. After standing “toe-to-toe” and “cussing” at one another for a while, Mr. Honda pushed Callow Youth against his car, which prompted his friends to come to his defense, which prompted Mr. Honda to get back on his horse and git while the gittin’ was still good. Hungry for justice, Callow Youth called JCSO and then tailed Mr. Honda to a gas station where he animatedly detailed for JCSO deputies the outrage committed against his person. Recognizing an actionable incident, an officer asked the boy three times whether he wanted to press charges, and three times the suddenly non-confrontational complainant replied “No, I don’t think so.” All parties went their separate, peaceable ways.