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Sheriff's Calls

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Exit strategy
WEST KEN CARYL AVENUE
— Desperately needing a place to stay on Nov. 25, Felicia moved in with her friend Oscar. Two days later, desperately needing to get away from her friend Oscar, Felicia announced that she was moving out. Not one for hit-and-run tenancy, Oscar demanded that Felicia to remain in residence. Not in a mood to argue about it, Felicia “decided to take a walk.” Instead of leaving by the door, however, for reasons never fully explained Felicia departed through a “ground level window,” damaging the screen “slightly” on the way out. Oscar summoned JCSO deputies and demanded they charge Felicia with destruction of property. Deputies declined to issue a ticket, telling Oscar that the screen scrap would have to be settled in civil court. Oscar said he would take a walk and cool off. Felicia said she’d be gone within 24 hours. Officers left by the front door.

Defame game
KEN CARYL RANCH
—From the Life Imitates Art files: An e-mail hard copy clenched in his trembling fist, a fellow we’ll call “Rob” marched into the JCSO sub-station to report being e-threatened by his neighbor and former chum, “Jerry.” In his cautionary e-communiqué, Jerry accuses Rob and his wife, “Laura” of spreading “slanderous” rumors about him and his wife, “Millie.” He further warns of possible legal action should the foul fictions continue, and says he won’t be responsible for anything Millie says or does if she runs into Laura around town. In his statement to deputies, Rob insisted that he and Laura are utterly innocent of rumor-mongery, and said he believes themselves to be falsely accused simply because Jerry and Millie are mad about having been unceremoniously “uninvited” to their annual neighborhood Christmas party on account of Jerry and Millie being distinctly unpopular with certain other invitees. Since nothing in the e-mail constituted a specific threat to person or property, officers said they’d step up their scheduled patrol in case Millie really does get out of line with Laura.

Runaway spending
WEST QUINCY AVENUE
— An anxious mother called JCSO on Dec. 2 to ask for help restraining her prodigal son. Four days previous, it seems, she’d given the lad a credit card and her car keys and sent him off to procure shelving supplies at a nearby home-improvement store, arguably a risky move seeing as how he’d already treated her plastic to an unsanctioned shopping spree back in October. Mother said she’d seen neither kid nor car for the better part of a week, to say nothing of the anticipated dry goods. She had, however, been able to trace her credit card’s progress by the numerous unauthorized charges it had been racking up. After canceling the wayward Visa, she tried unsuccessfully to contact her errant son on his cell phone and hoped the authorities could help her pin him down. The case was forwarded to investigations.

She said/he said
DEER CREEK
— In what turned out to be a pre-emptive strike, an anxious South Deer Creek Road husband dialed 911 on the night of Nov. 30 simply because he feared that his better half was about to. Earlier that evening, he told deputies, he’d overheard the missus on the phone telling his father-in-law outrageous falsehoods starring himself, which naturally precipitated a howling husband/ wife hullaballoo. As he considers the missus a “habitual liar,” he figured her next unprincipled impulse would be a blistering and wholly inaccurate 911 call intended to get him arrested, and he wanted to get some truth on the record before badges started showing up with tasers and handcuffs. Satisfied that the premises were technically crime-free, officers gave hubby a lift to a neutral friend’s house until a domestic detente can be arranged.